Thoughts on Imposter Syndrome

I have had many rewarding conversations with information security professionals on defining value and finding their niche at various points of our careers.  What has been interesting to me is how sometimes even those who consistently bring value to the team can feel like they don't belong.  Maybe these conversations start because much to do with information security can land on the thankless end of the spectrum.  Not to mention how in some organizational cultures, information security combats an image of saying "no" or otherwise slowing things down.  

All the discussions I've had on the topic made me want to share some ideas on the topic.  Imposter syndrome can be a tricky topic because the causes and symptoms may vary from professional to professional, but if nothing else, take what you can and fill in the blanks with your own experiences and maybe you'll come away with some renewed clarity.

You might have imposter syndrome if...

• No matter how hard you work, you do not feel like you are "good enough" for the role you fill
• You feel like you are faking it or it is difficult to not compare yourself to others
• Even when you accomplish something, you do not feel like you are contributing

These descriptions may vary but something common between them is the feeling that you have somehow "tricked" everyone about your skills, and it's only a matter of time until everyone realizes "the truth."  

"I'll never be as good as so and so..."

While in my first security role as a SOC intern analyst, I could hardly believe the skills of everyone around me, I was amazed at what they knew!  I was working on an MA in Political Science.  I enjoyed analysis and the process of solving problems, but I just never would have known to jump into information security.  I was blessed with friends who saw something in me and encouraged me to take a leap into a new field.  I took the leap and I was determined to not let them down.  

I soon found myself jealous of the majority who were pursuing computer science or more clearly related degrees.  It seemed to me that they were so far ahead.  I began wondering if I was on the wrong academic or professional path!  While every role I had there was someone to look up to (hint: there always is) I found myself thinking frequently "why didn't I catch that anomaly?" or "why didn't I come up with that recommendation?" I felt inferior!  Almost like every time I didn't catch something I failed.  If anything positive came from those feelings it was the determination to catch up even if it took the rest of my career.  I wanted to become at least as good as those pros who had a positive impact on me when I started.    

The Imposter Paradox? Eureka!

Now that we've reviewed a definition of imposter syndrome, and some of the why behind my experiences with it, the stage is set to talk about gaining confidence and moving past it.  As I look back, this took more than just a decision or a realization, there was first an environment that needed to be set to prepare me to make some connections.  After some years in the industry, I was in a role where there wasn't anyone to give me external validation, or maybe more importantly, there wasn't anyone to give that to the rest of the team.  This was a sort of cross-roads.  I could have felt more like an imposter, after all, there was even less positive reinforcement to help me know that what I was contributing was valuable.  The other path, however, was to reach out to others and try to help them feel valuable in their role.  I started realizing I could help others (safe to assume also struggling) with their own feelings of inadequacy.  I was in this situation for a while and without the inward focus, suddenly I started noticing my contributions, even small ones as valid and helpful.  The day I let go of my need to always be solving every problem was the day imposter syndrome started fading away.  It ended up being a sort of paradox.  To become what I wanted (confident that I belonged), I needed to stop trying so hard to get it.  This opened the door to feeling like a valuable contributor and happy to be a member of the team.  

Mantras

I reflext on these if I ever start feeling like an imposter again, hopefully they are useful to you too!

• I have something unique to contribute by being me and that makes me valuable
• I will speak up when I can add value, and happily listen to others if they get to  idea first
• Even if I do something I think is worthwhile, I do not need external validation to know that contribution was valuable